Recently my family went on a trip to Hawaii. This was the third time I've been blessed to visit and I always feel like I grow closer to God both physically and spiritually. You can't be there and not feel like you're getting a glimpse into Heaven. God totally sent me there to get some answers.
If you know me personally, you know how crazy I am, I don't mean that I should be committed in a padded room, but I mean crazy with activities and the hustle and bustle of life. My family is always going here or there. We're blessed to have a great family, some great friends and people in our lives and able to go to the best church in my part of the world. With all those people we love, brings lots of activities. Lots of church activities, lots of lessons between band, dance, volleyball, gymnastics, scouts, you name it. With me it lots of college classes and lots of photography shoots and I'm always on the go.
I've been praying a lot lately about what's next in our lives. I've been thinking about when I graduate (yep, from OU with a Fine Arts degree), if I should get a "regular" job with a 9 to 5 work week with a regular paycheck and pension or if I should continue my passion in photography. I love my photography and I feel like God has given me this gift to see those things in the world which are beautiful. However, with the photography business comes the part of working for myself, having a job on commission, working for years without ever getting anything from social security when I'm old and in my rocker, no 401k's and no company picnics.
When I married my husband, Scott, we had to luxury of me being able to quit my job as a photographer in a studio, where I worked on a salary and commission, shooting portraits and weddings. I knew each week I would get a paycheck and it helped pay the bills and take care of my kids when I was a single mother. With Scott, I was able to continue in my passion for photography and make images and shoot portraits on my own time. I have been able to do the things I love. I was able to stay home with my girls. I was waiting for my husband when he'd come home from a trip and have dinner waiting for him. We were close but we were often far distances apart. Then my husband, who was an officer in the Air Force and pilot, got brain cancer. My world stopped.
Unless you've had a terminal illness hit your immediate, nuclear family, there is no way you will ever completely understand what I am saying. It will completely stop you in your tracks, overnight it will change your world.
Now being a Momma to three beautiful and bright girls, my main purpose in life is to give these girls spiritual guidance, help them to become self-reliant, protect them and care for them. That's it.
I love my husband and I'm happy to say he has so far beaten the original prognosis of only having months to live with this terminal brain cancer. However, I honestly can't help but wander what's on the horizon? I don't have the luxury of living in a little bubble while my husband hands over his paycheck and I hand out the money for bills. I can't help but wonder, what's next? I wonder what's next with his cancer? Is it going to come back? Is it going to be worse than before? Will I be able to continue helping him get better? Will I have enough money to pay for insurance and the doctor appointments? Will I still be able to pay for kid's college? Will I even have enough money for food and a place to live with my kids? These are things that people think about, when the reality of a terminal illness strikes. Before this happens, it's easy to plan for the future, when "we're old" and when "we're retired." So instead I just go and go and go and go. I go to school. I go to work. I go here. I go there. All the while, wondering what I should be doing and praying to God asking if I'm doing the right thing? Then I found this verse ~
Mark 4:39 King James Version (KJV) 39 And he arose, and rebuked the wind, and said unto the sea, Peace, be still. And the wind ceased, and there was a great calm.
Sometimes when we are on our crazy roller coaster life, in search of the ole' mighty dollar, striving to be the best at whatever, or just trying to make a living but we can't find the answers we're searching for because we haven't slowed down to listen to God.
Peace.
Slow Down.
Peace.
Listen.
Peace.
Be Still.
Peace.
Okay God, I'm listening.
Shelly Perkins Photography www.shellyperkins.com
